This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs.experience. It has an indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now I know why some people are where they are!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Colorful Love
It was their fifth anniversary, and Al and Alice had just returned from the movies.
Alice was feeling romantic. 'Will you love me when my hair has turned to silver?' she crooned.
'Why not?' Al replied. 'Didn't I love you through four other shades?'
Alice was feeling romantic. 'Will you love me when my hair has turned to silver?' she crooned.
'Why not?' Al replied. 'Didn't I love you through four other shades?'
Controlling Spouses
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says,
"Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked.
"She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says,
"Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked.
"She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."
Wrong Bank
A man went into a Wells Fargo bank and planned to rob it. He got a deposit slip and wrote on it: "This iz a stikup. Put all the munny in this bag." Then he stood in line. But he got nervous thinking that someone might have seen him write the note.
So he left the bank and crossed the street to the Bank of America. He waited in line, then handed the note to the teller. After reading the note, the teller determined that the man was not very bright. So he told him he could not accept the stickup note because it was written on a Wells Fargo deposit slip. He would either have to fill out a Bank of America deposit slip or go back to the Wells Fargo.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK," and returned to the Wells Fargo where he was arrested while standing in line.
So he left the bank and crossed the street to the Bank of America. He waited in line, then handed the note to the teller. After reading the note, the teller determined that the man was not very bright. So he told him he could not accept the stickup note because it was written on a Wells Fargo deposit slip. He would either have to fill out a Bank of America deposit slip or go back to the Wells Fargo.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK," and returned to the Wells Fargo where he was arrested while standing in line.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
To Be Six Again
George was a thoughtful husband. He wanted to give his wife something special for her birthday which was coming up soon. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he watched his wife turning back and forth and looking at herself in the mirror. "Reta," he said, "What would you like for your birthday?"
His wife continued to look at herself and said, "I'd like to be six again."
George knew just what to do. On the big day, he got up early and made his wife a bowl of Fruit Loops. Then he took her to an amusement park where they rode all the rides. Five hours later, Reta's stomach felt upside down and her head was reeling. Never the less, George took her to McDonald's and bought her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Next, it was a movie with popcorn, soda and her favorite candy.
As Reta wobbled into the house that evening and flopped on the bed, George asked her, "Well, Dear, what was it like to be six again?"
Reta looked up at him. Her expression changed. She said, "I meant my dress size!"
His wife continued to look at herself and said, "I'd like to be six again."
George knew just what to do. On the big day, he got up early and made his wife a bowl of Fruit Loops. Then he took her to an amusement park where they rode all the rides. Five hours later, Reta's stomach felt upside down and her head was reeling. Never the less, George took her to McDonald's and bought her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Next, it was a movie with popcorn, soda and her favorite candy.
As Reta wobbled into the house that evening and flopped on the bed, George asked her, "Well, Dear, what was it like to be six again?"
Reta looked up at him. Her expression changed. She said, "I meant my dress size!"
Not So Great
Three baseball fans were having a conversation about what they would do when they die. When they finished they all agreed that the first one to die had to come back and tell the other two if they had a baseball team in heaven.
Two months later one dies in a car accident. After the other two left the funeral they went to watch a baseball game. During the game they both felt a spirit around them and finally they realized it was the one that died. So at the same time they asked if they had baseball in heaven.
The guy said "Yes yes yes they do but the bad thing is you're pitching Wednesday!"
Two months later one dies in a car accident. After the other two left the funeral they went to watch a baseball game. During the game they both felt a spirit around them and finally they realized it was the one that died. So at the same time they asked if they had baseball in heaven.
The guy said "Yes yes yes they do but the bad thing is you're pitching Wednesday!"
Friday, September 24, 2010
Pick Up Line
A well dressed, debonair man in his mid nineties enters an upscale cocktail lounge and finds a seat next to a good looking, younger woman in her mid eighties, at the most.
Trying to remember his best pick-up line, he says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
Trying to remember his best pick-up line, he says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
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